And So It Continues – Part 1 – An Old Friend

Greetings from not-so-sunny Osaka. 

I am fed, watered (read beered), and fairly well-rested.  The jetlag is real, but we will slowly deal with that guy.

Last night, I visited one of my favourite bars in Osaka, and got to meet a famous Japanese metal guitarist.  My Japanese skills were sorely tested when he proceeded to speak of the Deep State, Industrial Revolution, Military Industrial Complex, and, for some reason, the 240 year cycle of Uranus (if this had been in English, I would’ve made a not very funny joke, but there you are).  Many beers were imbibed, many words mistranslated, and many beers imbibed.  I’ve heard that beer is bad for one’s memory, but if that’s the case, just imagine how bad beer is for one’s memory.

Today, I took a nice long walk to Osaka Castle.  It’s quite nice, but I prefer Castle Lite in general.  The public spaces here are glorious.  Everything is super safe and super walkable. 

I found a new cat café hidden in a tiny back alley.  All the cats are rescued, and the café serves as a foster home until they get adopted.  There was a very complicated chart showing the relationships between the different cats, with connectors labeled “love”, “boyfriend”, and “mother (male)”.  Please, let’s try to normalise man mothers 🙏 The cats have cute names like “ichigo (strawberry)” and two brothers named “umi (sea)” and “nami (wave)”.  They were all lovely, as cats naturally are. 

For dinner, I found a vegan takoyaki spot.  Takoyaki usually has an octopus tentacle in the middle.  After dinner, I visited my dear friend Masamitsu-san at his bar, and told him about the vegan takoyaki.  I believe it was my initiation into Japanese humour when he replied, “No tako.  Yaki desu.”  From this day forth, it shall be known as “takojanakuteyaki”.  This would be much funnier if you understood Japanese, or maybe not, because I am aware of how bad my jokes are in any language.

You may have developed some preconceptions about the “old friend” mentioned in the title of this post.  None of the above is relevant to that.  My real old friend is, in fact, the Toto Washlet.  Your toilet is probably a necessary evil in your life, but the Japanese toilet, if you’re lucky, will one day,  be the necessary good in your life.  The washlet has a variety of functions guaranteed to make the 240 year cycle of Uranus worth the wait.  Please forgive me 😂 (I am immensely proud of myself, regardless).

Your Man in Japan,

Cameron Prentendmiddlename Ptimmy Clarence

Maker of Bad Jokes

Accumulator of Silly Titles

First of His Name

Still Not Knowing When To Let a Gimmick Die

P.O. Box Melville 2109

Etcetera

P. S. This post script was canceled due to lack of interest